The Ballad of the Triceratops Rider

A tale in verse

I recently completed a graduate school course on literacy for elementary schoolers, in which one of the assignments was to keep a writer’s notebook. It was kind of odd to keep a journal for writing when I already try to write every day, but it pushed me to try some new ideas and stretch out of my comfort zone a little. When it came time to share ideas, this one got the best response.

It’s basically an homage to the cheesy 1976 movie Buffalo Rider, about a certain guy on a buffalo, which I mostly know through the Rifftrax version, with the MST3k guys adding jokes. I’ve been on kind of a Mesozoic kick lately, so today I bring you…

The Ballad of the Triceratops Rider

Now sit right back and I'll tell a tale
About a man and his steed,
And how they rode through prairies wide
Accomplishing daring deeds.

There once was a man named Charlie Scale
An outdoorsman born and raised.
Wherever he laid his head was his home
As he searched for new trails to blaze.

One day while fishing Charlie Scale
Was wishing he had a horse
When he heard a plaintive cry nearby
And tracked it to its source.

A trap had snapped around the leg 
Of a mighty three-horned beast.
It shook its frill and swung its tail
As it struggled for release.

A Triceratops doesn't mean any harm,
And this was a trap for a bear.
So Chuck set the dino free, and found
It wasn't much worse for wear.

And meanwhile that triceratops
Was grateful as it could be.
He never left old Charlie's side
Now that he'd been set free.

The name that Charlie gave the beast
Was Moses, after the horns
That wound up on the prophet's head
In Renaissance statue form.

Now soon a thought popped in Chuck's head.
He couldn't let it be.
"What if I were to ride this beast
Now that he's been set free?"

He'd been without a horse a while
And couldn't travel far.
A triceratops like this would be just as well
If maybe a bit bizarre.

So Charlie Scale climbed on his back,
As gentle as he could.
The dinosaur tried to shake him off
Even knowing he was good.

But Chuck held on with all his might;
He would not bend his will
And soon he settled Moses down
As he held on to his frill.

Together these two comrades rode
Upon the open plain
Dispensing justice through the land
And easing people's pain.

When rustlers stole a cattle herd
To use for their own ends,
Old Charlie Scale rode Moses out
And tore apart their dens.

When once the robber Joey Breed
Took money from the bank,
The three-horn rider tracked him down
And put him in the clank.

And when a mean tyrannosaur
Got loose and went berserk,
Old Charlie aimed his buddy's horns
And let him get to work.

One day when they were treading through
A stretch of treacherous land
This man and his triceratops
Fell into fiendish hands.

Somebody'd set a quicksand trap
And in it Moses sank.
And when a man arrived to help,
He turned out rather rank.

He said that he would make a deal
To free them from the sand:
If Charlie Scale would relinquish his steed,
The heel would lend a hand.

Now Chuck saw through this hateful scheme.
He'd lose a valuable friend,
Yet he in no way meant to allow
Their time to reach an end.

He took the rope the man tossed out
And pulled the triceratops free
Then parted with a tearful glance—
What a wretched sight to see!

But Chuck was not without a plan
To get his buddy back.
He followed close behind the crook
Awaiting his chance to attack.

A crook like that would surely not know
How he should treat his ride.
But Chuck could win without a fight—
On that he'd stake his pride.

See, Charlie Scale had brought along
Some of Moses' favorite food.
A cucumber, freshly picked, was sure 
To brighten up his mood.

He followed behind, and after night fell,
And when that crook was asleep,
Chuck snuck into his camping site,
And didn't make a peep.

When his triceratops saw that Chuck
Had brought his favorite snack,
He got a little too revved up—
Only the rope held him back.

His grunts and stomps were threatening to wake
The scoundrel from his sleep.
But a simple rub on Moses' beak
Made him peaceful as a sheep.

By the time the crook woke up
The dinosaur was gone.
He found some tracks that led to town
And set that way at dawn.

The footprints that the scoundrel trailed
Led into a posse's hands.
For Chuck had ridden ahead and told
About what he had planned.

For the people loved old Charlie Scale
And owed him for many a boon,
So when he called a favor in,
They gathered to meet the goon.

So the Sheriff took the scoundrel in
To the jail that was down the street,
And found that he had managed to catch
None other than Raptor Pete.

A vicious man feared all throughout
The land for his terrible deeds,
This Raptor Pete had earned disdain
For all his cruelty and greed.

He'd stolen a full-grown brachiosaur
And trampled sorghum fields,
And sent a T-rex out to raid
A cattle farmer's yield.

Now that he'd crossed with Charlie Scale
His crimes had come to a close,
While Chuck continued on Moses' back
To where, God only knows.

So Raptor Pete's arrest assured
The legend of Charlie Scale,
And Moses his most trusty steed,
A friend from horn to tail.

---

Fun fact: there was actual Buffalo Jones. He was a buffalo hunter-turned-buffalo preservationist, and the first game warden at Yellowstone National Park.